| Letter
Details: Sam |
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By
Snow_Wolf
Category: Valentine's Day Promotion!
Description:
The only thing to say is in the letter.
Dear Sam,
You'll probably never read this which is good. There's only one thing I need to say so you'll probably think it's silly that I wrote a whole entire letter to you just to say this one little thing but I'm too scared to tell you in person.
I love you.
Or at least I used to love you. I'm not really sure anymore. I've almost stopped feeling really. Life seems to have lost all of its emotions, no joy, no laughter, no pain, no tears, just life. I suppose it I dug down deep enough I'd find that spot where you hurt me. Where I can still feel the pain everyday but it's buried under all this other stuff and I'm not strong enough to dig it up yet.
I doubt you realized you hurt me. I doubt you realize I even love you but I do. Other people could see it. I remember them laughing and hinting at me and other things I'd pretend to be mortified and denied it but I secretly enjoyed it. It didn't matter because all I could think about was you. When you were near me everything else seem to disappear and you became the only thing that mattered.
And the first few days at Boston were wonderful. The trip seemed to past in a blur that was centered around you. All I really remember from that trip is you. And the beret you said I looked cute in.
But than you just began to hate me. I'm not sure if you really did hate me but it might as well have been. You would get this cold, cold look in your as you said no you didn't want a hug, no you didn't want a kiss on the cheek, no you didn't want to see me anymore.
And at first I refused to believe that you hated me. That you didn't want to see me anymore. But slowly I realized it was true. And than the pain started.
All I remember is just hurting. Hurting every day and hurting every night and hurting so much that I wanted to scream. I would see you in the hall and want to run up and shout "Sam! Sam! Why are you doing this Sam? I love you and this hurts so much, I don't know how I can bear it. Why are you doing this Sam why? Did I hurt you Sam? If I did I'm so sorry. I truelly am and I will never do it again. I promise to never hurt you in any way if you just stop hating me Sam."
But I didn't I just kept it in and continued to hurt. Sometimes I'd consider taking my life. I'd stare at a bottle of pills or run a blade lightly over my wrist and wonder what would happen if I swallowed those pills or pushed that blade deeper into my skin. Wonder if that would make all the pain and hurt go away. But I never did. I'd look at the pills in my hand but I couldn't take them. I couldn't press that blade far enough down to end my life. And I'd continue with life and the pain.
Gradually the pain kind of stopped. I don't think it ever really did but my feelings for you became numb. I hid them deep inside myself where they would come up during the day. Only at night when I am lying by myself with only my thoughts to comfort me. It's the only time I cry now. Late at night when I am all by myself.
So if you ever read this Sam I'll be glad that you know I love you. And not to hold it against yourself for hurting me so much. I'm sure you didn't mean it and if you did, I still forgive you. I guess love is crazy like that. I hope your life is filled with more joy than mine.
Lydia
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| Vote
Totals: |
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| Letter
viewed: |
654 Times
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| Yes,
send the letter: |
25%
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| No,
keep it: |
75%
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| Average
User Ranking: |
5.4/10
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| Previous Votes & Comments: |
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| Send it! |
22-January 2006 |
| I know how you feel
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| Send it! |
26-January 2006 |
| shit, that is exactly how i feel, this guy i love: he doesnt know, i think he just got a gf, my heart's tearing
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| Don't Send It! |
27-January 2006 |
| Um, instead of contemplating suicide...why don't you just tell the stupid guy. But don't send this letter, it's too much. Flirt with him, make a move, make it fun and light.
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