Letters Never Sent - Scathing Truths Never Shared with the Recipient

Letter Details: DJ Tanner you are not

Category: Family Quarrels

Description: This is to my older sister.

You think because you are the older sister that that instantly makes you wise and admirable. But no, that is not something you are entitled to, it is something you EARN, but since you think you are just ENTITLED to it you’ve never bothered to earn it, and therefore never HAVE, and therefore you are NOT wise and admirable. You have shown me what a big sister should NOT be, and yet you continue to look down on me and expect me to idolize you, if not for the mere fact you are older. I admired you when I was younger, when all my friends wanted to be YOUR friend because you were older and therefore cooler in their eyes. You stole my friends and ate up their admiration, while I was left with no one to play with. Kelly, Samantha, Katie, Danielle, they’d come by and ask for JUST YOU, and then would get annoyed when I showed up, too. And you never bothered to include me. You weren’t mean to me like they were, but you also didn’t defend me. I was basically a non-issue to you, a non-entity. And then at St. Joseph’s school, I would see you in the halls and say hi, cuz hey, familiar place in a cold, friendless school! But you’d stare daggers at me, as if trying to telepathetically say, “You better not tell anyone we’re related,” or you’d just ignore me, or you and Christine would start making fun of me. I was so confused cuz I was so happy to see you, but you were horrified at seeing me. Then, freshman year of high school, I actually had friends who liked me for me and not for you, and that was special, but then one day these seniors stole our bookbags and instrument cases and put them high up and laughed about it, and instead of sticking up for us (some of them were your friends), you complained to mom about how we’re killing your social life and how embarrassing it was for you. Never mind the meanness behind the act or the degradation of the act. You were just concerned about the tawdry way it effected YOU. And then the guy you had a crush on, Ryan, said something insulting about me and my friends, and you were right by him, and he said something to you like, “Not you though, just your sisters,” and you blushed and giggled. GAG ME WITH A SPOON, WOMAN.

And you continually insult me; I can’t remember the last time you said something nice about me. At least now you’re defending me, but now I see it’s at the expense of other people who also don’t deserve your disdain. You continue to hold a grudge with John because he walked out of your Confirmation Mass, but the only reason he walked out was because there was a priest there and he was very anti-religion at that time, it was nothing personal. But of course you had to make it about YOU. Never mind the fact I’ve forgiven you for A LOT worse, a lot more personal matters. But maybe I haven’t forgiven you, and that’s why this anger is boiling to the surface.

You insult my looks, my faith, my personality, and then at your convenience you play the big sister, but it’s always saying things that are ambiguous or don’t pertain to me. Your advice never pertains to me because you don’t know me or you know me but think me wrong. I cannot live with you because you are mean, the end. You don’t understand why I won’t just accept your criticism and uninformed opinions. You want to be close? First step is in returning the other’s greetings, which you refused to do at St. Joe’s. You want to be the ideal big sister? You could’ve accepted my request that you show me around Francis Howell when I was a freshman and you were a senior and already had 3 years experience under your belt with this new, huge school. You want to be my friend? First step is mutual respect. These things you don’t regret or you don’t want to give, and that is why we are where we are. You’ve said Jackie and I won’t let anyone in, pertaining to our close twin bond, but the fact is Jackie and I won’t let you be our god, and you do not approve of this. You don’t want closeness, you want worshippers. It’s not even the same thing, so I wonder if you’re aware what it is you’re wanting. You’ve never felt threatened by me, does that make me unlove-able? I don’t believe so, but I think you do. And since you do, I start to ponder the notion myself. But that is not the type of beauty I’m seeking—you focus on externals, I’m all about the internals, and you think this thinking inferior and something more to be pitied. You think, “Oh, Vickie focuses on internals because of the way she looks and because she’s naïve and hasn’t experienced the world.” I’ve experienced more of the world than you have, sister. And I’ve also experienced greater love, and I’m certain of this because of the way you treat others. When you said Margaret was cute and I heard, “Vickie ISN’T,” God said to me, “If you could see the beauty of Vickie’s soul, you’d be floored.” I said to God, “Ange can’t see the supposed beauty of my soul,” and God responded, “Only a special few can. That doesn’t take away from its beauty.” I heard God’s words in my soul, but I still focused on your stupid comments. All I can hear now is YOUR opinion, even knowing God’s opinion on the matter. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind? A trail of broken hearts? That’s not beautiful, it’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, and yet that is what you are aiming for in your shallowness and vanity.

But I could never say these things to you because you’ll be so offended that you’re go yelling to Mom about how mean I am and then Mom will get on my case on why I always have to make you the bad guy or Mom’ll say, “She didn’t mean that,” when you DID, Mom just wishes you didn’t. Mom just wishes you had more love for your sisters so she is constantly enabling your cruel nature. I fight it, which makes you hate me all the more. You’ll never apologize for all the evil you’ve done, so I’ll have to seek closure within myself; I need to work on forgiving you even without your permission or concern.

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Send it!	2-July 2009
I'm a little bit torn on this one, but I want to say send the letter. It sounds like your sister needs a serious wake up call. I want to say keep it because if she doesn't understand, you will just fight more and grow more bitter and unhappy. I know from experience how much it absolutely sucks to KNOW that someone you care about really does not get how much they are hurting you. I think you should send it, though, just in case. Maybe she'll surprise you.